I don't often post serious things here on the blog. Mostly I find that I don't need to. This is a wacky, creative, fun sort of place. Aside, of course, from the occasional somber piece or a ranting spat of expletives and fine-tuned, if crudely shouted, opinionated prose. I typically reserve more serious topics for my writing blog or, if they've nothing to do with writing, for conversations I have in my everyday life. Of course, by conversations, I mostly mean I talk at Samantha while she patiently nods until I shut up and let her go back to doing whatever it was she was doing before I burst into the room and started haranguing her. I'm needy that way.
I've been thinking, though, and that means you need to hear what I have to say. Needy, you know.
I think I'm doing this social networking stuff all wrong. See, I like Facebook. I like the idea behind it, of letting you keep in touch with family and friends despite the physical space between you, of finding old friends and re-kindling those relationships, of meeting new people and exploring new things, of sharing information and broadening horizons. I like the idea of it, and sites like it, but I don't think I'm utilizing them.
I don't post pictures. In fact, even four years after I left college, almost every picture of me on Facebook is at St. Andrews and just about all of them are Chantal's posts. This isn't because I'm ashamed of my appearance or anything. Anyone who sees or speaks to me knows I'm a fat guy now. I got over worrying about that...well, before I was actually a fat guy. No, I don't post pictures because I don't really see any reason to put them up. Hell, most of the time I don't see any reason to take them in the first place. Does anyone really give a shit what I wore to my mom's house last week? Do you actually want to know what my dinner looked like before I ate it last night?
I usually refrain from status updates as well. I used to think I did it because I had some celebrity-like need for privacy in a world where every living person wanted to know what I was doing at all times. Then I stopped being an idiot and thought I did it because I'm boring and I don't do enough to warrant sharing the news of my daily life with the world. I now know that was equally ridiculous. The real, honest reason is that I just don't want to. Most of my Facebook friends are, probably, not that interested. I know that because I'm not that interested. If I want to know what you're up to, chances are good that I'll ask you. In person. Or in a letter. Or an e-mail. Or a phone call, text, sext, Skype, Instant Message. Whatever.
For me, the problem I have with properly utilizing these social networks is that, frankly, I don't actually care that much. I don't give a shit what your outfits look like or what you had for dinner. I don't care that you got a puppy, and I don't give a single fuck that you hate your job. I just, and forgive my apathy, don't want to know.
Before you smirk, self-satisfied, and assume I'm talking exclusively to people I haven't seen since high school or fringe family that I only added because Facebook makes it harder to ignore requests than just accept them, I mean you. All of you. No matter how dearly I love you, I will never want to see a picture of your meals. I will never care how badly you slept the night before your physical. I do not care how you spent your lunch break.
Listen, it isn't that I don't want to hear about how shitty your day was, or how that awesome concert, walk, political event, afternoon bout of diarrhea, or newborn has impacted your life. I absolutely want to hear about those things. But, I mean, call me. With important stuff. I'm totally free if you just want to chat, but if you wouldn't bring it up in a conversation over the phone, or via text, or any of those other aforementioned methods of communication, why are you posting that shit to Facebook and cluttering up my life with things I will never, ever be interested in, Dad? I mean, uh, everyone.
I guess my issue is just oversharing. The complete saturation of the Internet with things that, well, no one wants to fucking see. A friend of mine raised a good point earlier today about how needy people get because our communication is so widespread and so instantaneous. We all want to be immediately gratified, and when you don't respond in a nanosecond, people will freak the fuck out. We don't take into account that sometimes that friend, or lover, or complete stranger you met at Chipotle last night while you were completely bombed out of your mind on peach schnapps and cheap gin is busy. Maybe they're at work. Or at a school play. Or they got mugged and their phone was stolen, or broken. Maybe they're getting some strange.
Or maybe, and I'm not ashamed of this, they just want to be left the fuck alone for an hour.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be upset if your friend bails on you without so much as a text and leaves you waiting outside the movie theater with two tickets to whatever Owen Wilson is doing these days, but going home and bombarding Facebook with pictures of your cat doing typical cat things isn't going to solve your problem. That's like solving childhood obesity by feeding every elementary school kid a spoonful of laxative with their lunch. Actually, that would be kind of hilarious at first. So your stupid binge-posting is nothing like that. But the horrible, stinky aftermath? That's your Facebook page.
And yes, I am absolutely a hypocrite. Every time I post something here, or on the other blogs, I do immediately upload it to Facebook. Technically, even my rants are hypocritical because I can bitch all I want about my "friends" and their moronic, run-on paragraphs about politics or economics or fucking rap music and how I loathe seeing that crap all over my News Feed, but if I then post that blog to Facebook, am I any better?
Yes, absolutely. Remember, I admitted that I'm needy. That makes it okay.
Right?
Don't take this too far, or too seriously, and stop using Facebook. I don't even think you should emulate me. If you all did that, Facebook would be a very boring place to lurk while I'm pretending to get work done. But stick to the good stuff. And for the love of Odin stay away from intimately personal things. If you chose abortion, maybe keep that off the Internet. It's not edgy or progressive to say those things. It's unnerving to some people, annoying to others, and kind of gross if you're my aunt.
Actually, now that I think of it, I'm not sure the problem is me. Or even you. At least, not those of you reading this (except those of you who post food pictures, because that shit needs to stop). I think the problem is stupid people. The solution, of course, is to just delete those people. Not because I disagree with them, but because they don't belong in such esteemed company.
See? You feed my ego and I'll compliment you. This works out well.
But gods help you if I see one more picture of a cake you made.
Self-righteously Yours,
-S.R.
