Are you a Republican? You're an asshole. Are you a Democrat? Then you're an asshole, too. Independent? Green Party? Nazi Party? Assholes, every one. Are you a Tea Partier? Then you, my dear, are the biggest asshole of all. You've been willingly mislead, I'm afraid.
I've been covering a number of political events the past month or so for work, events on both sides of the party line. Do you know what I've discovered? I want to rage-fuck every one of these people to death. Rage-fuck, because it's the most humiliating thing I can think of and I'm harboring too much pent-up aggression to bother thinking of something else.
Here's my issue with all of this bullshit: They. Are. Lying.
Very simple, very straightforward. Every one of these people running for office is a liar. They are universally full of shit. The democrats are taking heat because they promised and promised to make everything better and, in the last two years, they've really shown us fuck-all. The Republicans are looking to get back on top because people are impatient and they have little to no attention span. They've forgotten the eight year pile of shit we went through the last time the Republicans were in charge. The rest of those parties I mentioned are assholes by proxy because they chose a fucking party.
Do you know what my first impression of this grassroots Tea Party stuff was? Thank the gods. Seriously. These are people that agree with me. People of all parts of the political spectrum that are just fed the fuck up with big government expansion, with losing jobs and money, with being lied to. Mostly, I thought they were fed up with politics. With politicians getting elected that can't or won't do what we want them to because they're constrained by party alliances and political hoopla.
I was wrong. You know who the Tea Partiers are? Republicans. Sure, sure, they've masked their party nonsense with anger and frustration, but do you know why they're frustrated? Because they aren't in fucking office. That's it. They're preaching and prattling on about the Constitution and how the government isn't adhering to it. They're calling themselves patriots and Sons of Liberty and talking about freedom and equality. They're earning themselves reputations from the liberal side of the media as right-wingers and radicals and racists, while the conservative media eats it up and endorses them.
They are full of shit. They cry and cry about how they're being slandered by everyone, by the people in office and by the "biased, far-left media" and do you know what? They're wrong. Not about the fact that the media is saying these things, but about these things being slander. Admittedly, some of it might be utter bullshit, people trying to sell papers and rake in viewers. Then again, these Tea Partiers and these Patriots are just as guilty of making up bullshit to garner headlines. Its two sides throwing monkey shit at each other.
The media isn't "far-left" anymore than these people are "far-right". They're both barely coherent, barely intelligent enough to form a fucking opinion, much less a radical one. They're saying the same, tired Republican-Democrat bullshit and jacking it up to mean more than it needs to mean.
Do you know what will fix the country? Pull us out of the economic shitter? We will. If we, as a fucking whole nation, will pull our heads out of our asses long enough to take a deep breath, we could turn this thing around. Here are some of our problems:
1.) Foreign Policy. As a liberal, you want to suck Europe's dick. As a conservative, you want to tell them to eat yours. Both of you are outrageously stupid. My dad tells me time and again about how they all owe us for saving their asses back in the war. Bullshit. Do you know what we need? Trade and commerce. Fair trade and commerce. Don't shun these people because they aren't from this country, this country exists because they wanted to expand three hundred years ago. Do we owe them for that? Absolutely not. But nor does that give us any right to tell them to get fucked. We've had a dynamic, rapidly expanding economy for much of our history here, we have unprecedented freedoms and so on. It doesn't make us better or worse than other countries. It makes us different. So trade with Europe, trade with Asia. If they're practicing unfair political or economic policies, show them the error of their ways diplomatically. Failing that, awaken the great sleeping beast of our combined military and show them with fire. But pull your head out of your ass, America. Pompousness and isolationist ideals aren't what this country was founded on.
2.) Economics. Everybody is pissed off about the economy. Hell, I'm pissed off too. The state of our economy is preventing me from getting a raise, and I'm flat broke at my current pay rate. I'm in debt, I owe money, and I'm living, literally by the seat of my ass. The problem is that we're not a manufacturing economy anymore, we're a consumer based economy. Republicans will blame this on big government making it impossible for American companies to compete. Democrats will do the same because that's the big issue right now. The truth is this: Manufacturers create jobs, not politicians. Small businesses create jobs, not politicians. Corporations create jobs, not fucking politicians. Do you know how they can create jobs and bring money back to our economy? By enticing these businesses to come back home.
I've heard a lot of these politicians and their outspoken supporters talking about how Americans will out-work and out-produce other countries. Simply put, bullshit. Here's the problem we're having. Products, be they foreign or domestic, are heavily taxed and regulated, mostly because an ever-expanding government needs ever-expanding funds. So, companies are going oversees where the labor and materials are cheaper, then selling their products for a bigger profit. You tell me American-made products are higher-quality but how the fuck would I know that? I can't afford to buy them. And the ones I can afford are shoddy and ill-built. The other problem is that Americans demand better wages than other countries because our cost of living is higher, because an ever-expanding government needs ever-expanding funds. Call it inflation, call it whatever you like. Fact of the matter is our cost of living is increasing because we keep needing more money, so workers need to make more. So employers need to pay more. This country was built by people who worked hard because it was its own reward. Because they were proud of their work. It is being ruined by people who demand more and more money, not because they need it, but because they feel entitled to it for being American. Furthermore, how many of you would trade your office jobs for factory jobs?
That brings me to my next item.
3.) Immigration. The benefit of immigration, aside from the cultural melting pot this country was always supposed to be, is cheaper labor. We Americans, the born and bred ones, can enjoy loftier lifestyles and less physically demanding jobs because those things are being taken care of by the lower economic classes, cheifly the blue collar boys and the immigrants, both legal and illegal. Republicans want to shoot the illegals and Democrats want to suck them off. Why are we bothering with either? See, the problem is the application process for citizenship in this country. It is unreasonably expensive and time-consuming. So we've got a crisis where people are hopping borders and bringing too much of their culutre here. Our national language is subject to debate. Here's how to solve this issue: Throw out the current process. Get fucking rid of it. Instead, for each applicant, do a thorough background check, give them a thorough physical, and insist that they take classes on American history and English. Enough to be proficient in both. That's all our current system establishes and more! Proficiency in the language, non-criminal background, clean bill of health, and a knowledge of our national history and what we stand for. What the fuck else do you need? Hell, some of these people speak better english and know more about American history than kids we educate here.
Of course, there will still be border jumpers. But how much easier would it be to manage a tiny fraction of what we have to manage now? Just the criminals and the dishonest ones. Those people? Shoot them. But an honest man trying to make his way in a better palce than he grew up? That's the American fucking Dream, we just need to give them a shot. As for the language, it's English.
4.) Religion/Racism. Okay, this is probably the biggest one. Anyone that knows me can taste my disdain for both organized religion and hypocrisy. I'm a very "practice what you preach" sort of guy. So here lies my issue with religion. We are a predominantly Christian country, fair? Most of the Western World identifies that way now. However, one of the founding virtues of this country was religious acceptance. Not tolerance. Acceptance. At this point, I'd settle for tolerance. Since 9/11 which, not to sound insensitive, but let's stop beating that horse shall we? Since 9/11 we have a very anti-muslim sort of vibe going on. Mostly from the right, the obviously religious conservatives. But I get the idea the Democrats don't jump on board because they have a psychological need to disagree with the Republicans. So, anyone from the Middle East, Muslim or otherwise, has to deal with a certain degree of persecution. For instance, this mosque they were talking of building near Ground Zero. People were getting death threats over it. People were protesting it.
That's unconstitutional, assholes. See, that Bill of Rights you're always prattling on about? Gives us the freedom to practice any religion, anywhere. Was this mosque going to harm people? No, not anymore than a church or a synagogue harms people. So practice what you fucking preach. These are fundamentalists we're fighting, not everyday practitioners of Islam. Allow me to draw a parallel. Disdaining Islamics because of a few fundamentalists, labeling them all terrorists, is like labeling every Christian a member of the Westboro Baptist Church. It's like saying you all protest at the funerals of soldiers with signs saying "God Hates Fags". Ashamed yet? How about its like saying every Christian is a Jew-killing sack of shit. Because that was the Inquisition, right? I'm not the first one to raise this point, but I'm the only one that will knock your fucking teeth in for disputing it.
Here's another one: Separation of Church and State. This is a democracy. Religion, therefore, has no place in our government. None. I don't care what the liberals say, I don't care what the conservatives say. I don't even care how much of the population is religious. It should have no bearing in government. That's what that statement means. We are voting on what is right for us, what is best for the country. That may not always be what your religion demands, but we have this handy Bill of Rights and Constitution that point out where we should go when we have those sorts of conflicts of interest. On a related note...
5.) Gay Marriage. Legalize it. Now. Not because I'm a bleeding-heart liberal, and not because I think the monotheistic beleif in one-man-one-woman is utterly ridiculous. Legalize it because it's unconstitutional to ban it. It is none of the government's business and it is beyond their jurisdiction to decide. The liberals want it for the wrong reasons. They want it because they're selfish and they want to prove how powerful they are by 'allowing' this. They want it because they're genetically predisposed to oppose conservative views. The Republicans don't want it because they're thinking with their Jesus instead of with their fucking brains.
This is not an issue. This is a travesty. You tell me it will disrupt the sanctity of marriage and I tell you you're a retard. Marriage has never been sanctimonious. It's never been sacred. Sure, the vows are sacred. Sure, the bond between two people is sacred. But show me a time in history when men didn't have concubines. Show me a time in history when two people that didn't love each other on some level could make a family simply because they said a few ceremonious words. You can't, because that time doesn't exist. Marriage is about a bond between two people, and if that bond doesn't give a shit about gender why do we?
You tell me it'll lead to people marrying their cousins or goats. I have two concerns with that. The first, is why are you concerned about it? What right do you have to interfere with someone's business? Second, that's ridiculous because you can already marry your cousin and a goat can't say its vows. You're making shit up because you don't have a real reason to be opposed to it when you give it some thought. Your knee-jerk reaction doesn't hold up.
6.) Homosexuals. This one is actually not about all of America, it's about the gay community, more specifically the flaming gay community that shoots its mouth off whenever possible and can't seem to adapt to society like the majority of people, gay straight or otherwise. Seriously, guys, give it a rest. You are regular people, just like me. Well, maybe more regular than me. But the outlandish things you do? Those flamboyant clothes, the mostly naked parades, the shrill shrieking? Those are setting you back decades. The unabashed promiscuity? Likewise. Live your lives the way we all do, for yourself. Stay out of the spotlight, stop doing irrational shit, and be fucking people, not charicatures.
7.)Politics. Let's bring it all around, shall we? I've gone on long enough. Politics is the real issue in this country. It's the issue because we've let it become an issue. Rather than making our own decisions, taking care of our own lives, we've allowed the government to do it for us. And they have done so happily. That is the nature of government. Power craves more power. The checks and balances in this country are in place so the people never allow the government too much power. Problem is, we've ignored them. Now, we're stuck in this system where parties are making decions based on party politics and they're stomping on business, they're stomping on people. None of these people we elect in November is going to change that, because they're all after power and politics.
Here's how we solve it: Real Patriots. People like me, people that love this country because its lovable, and despite hating the people, want to see them do better. People that have jobs and lives to return to once this shit is all cleared up. People that are open minded, not religiously influenced, and willing to say what's on their mind, while listening to the people that elected them. These are the people you need to elect, not businessmen, not politicians, not doctors and lawyers and judges looking to move up. Fucking people.
That, or Revolution.
Choose wisely, little ones.
Love and Kisses,
-S.R.
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