Pay attention, I'm only going to say this shit once. I was going to abstain, honestly, as I have for the last few years. My patience and, frankly my interest, in arguing politics or economics either with idiots or intellectuals has waned until it became nearly non-existent. But, since the current climate is absolutely ruining my social life I feel inclined to just get it all off my chest at once. Like it or not, here we go.
I would like to begin with an assurance. I will not post these thoughts on Facebook. Not individually. I'll link to my blog. Because that's what blogs are for. I don't want to read your thoughts on politics on Facebook, because for some reason, possibly due to the underlying narcissism of the human psyche, posting those ideas on Facebook makes you an arrogant jackass. The next ranting status that the Internet shoves down my throat that starts with something like "Can someone please tell me why...." and goes on to some rhetorical fucking question just hawking your bullshit agenda will make my eyes literally burst out of my skull. If you do that to me, I will find you and I will pull out your spine and feed it to your god damned dog.
If you want to post videos, hell if you want to start a discussion on Facebook or, gods help us, Twitter, feel free. But for fucks sake, please proofread it first. Just make sure you don't sound like an asshole.
Now that we've gotten that unpleasant business out of the way, lets away to the arrogance!
Vote for Obama. Seriously, guys, is this even a thing we need to talk about? We're all functioning alcoholic adults here. Do I really need to go into all of this Romney camp telling women what they can and can't do with their bodies? Or the tax evasion? Or the lies about Medicaid? Or the fact that he hasn't really given us any idea of what his policies are going to be excepting "the opposite of Obama?"
I do? Alright, fine.
Look, Obama caught flak for not making his birth certificate public. Which, by the way, it was. Those things are public record. You could look it up with a little responsible research. I know they didn't immediately release it on Fox News and CNN (although they did, eventually) but, really? Are we that lazy? So, in the interest of fairness I suppose that whole unfortunate business with Romney's taxes had to happen, but I still don't agree with it. I'm firmly against this nosy, busy-body, fucking Gossip Girl society we've become, but I let it go. He eventually made that information public and, to no one's great surprise, we were all right. He wasn't paying fairly.
But why do we care? Look, the President doesn't actually have much influence on economics. If he's cheating on his own taxes, good for him. But that doesn't really impact his ability to do the job. I wouldn't vote for the guy, but I think we can let this one slide.
On the other hand, he clearly misunderstands the way money works. See, the big issue I have with the right-wing in this, and Romney and his ilk specifically, is the way they keep harping on the money we owe China. They want to scare you. "The defecit is huge! It's bigger than ever!" Well, not exactly. See, figuring for global inflation, the deficit isn't that scary, and it isn't that outlandish. The entire world's economy took a hit. Everyone owes everyone money. They try to frighten you with doomsday ideas about China calling us up and being all "Hey, can we get that money back?" like America is everyone's broke friend and the favors have run out. That's just not the case.
Do you know what would happen if China asked for their money back? Our economy would collapse. The immediate consequences of that? China's economy would collapse. Catastrophically. See, China is going through the same modernization process America went through sixty years ago. The difference is that American industry was fairly self-sufficient. We were inventing these things and manufacturing them at the same time. China's economy is mostly manufacturing now, but they aren't inventing anything new. They're making money by building and selling things we already created. They do it cheaper, which means they get the business. The same way contractors bid for jobs.
You see, we're not a manufacturing based economy anymore. We've been edging away from that for thirty years. America is a service based economy. We're buyers and sellers of services, information, technology. We don't need to manufacture because we're spreading the wealth around. That's how capitalism works. It spreads, grows, and advances. We have the power in this case because we're buying the goods. If we played more aggressively, could we buy them cheaper? Probably. But it wouldn't earn us many lasting trade relationships. It's a delicate balance.
Why does this come up in politics though? Economics is decided by companies and people. Not politicians. Legislation affects it, sure, but the bulk of the economy isn't going to change because Romney thinks we should manufacture our own shit. It isn't his call. Guys, Presidents don't do economics. In fact, go ask a politician to explain the economy to you. If he isn't a lying bag of shit, chances are he'll shrug and tell you that, quite frankly, he can't. No one can. Why are we trying to simplify something like that? The balance is delicate. Over simplify and you will risk ruining it. And looking like a total douche.
Let's talk about abortion. Hell, let's do gay marriage and aboriton and sex education and drugs and crime all at once. I've said, for about eight years, that the issue with gay marriage is that gay marriage is an issue at all. Its none of my business. If I, as a straight man, can choose to forego marriage at all, then why can't a gay couple choose for themselves? Let's stop with this sanctity of marriage bullshit too. Marriage has never been a sanctuary. It has never, fucking ever, been universally sacred. If you try to give me an example of a sacred marriage, I will punch you in the dick with ten examples of the opposite. Marriage is wonderful, for those happy few that make the choice and find someone they can truly enter that bond with. It's a beautiful gesture. But that's it. It's a gesture. It's an agreement. A contract. If both partners don't fulfill it, then the whole thing is a wash. Love each other, and do it your own way. Don't let some fuck-off lawmaker tell you any different. It's a free country.
Stop talking about abortion. Just stop it. It's none of your business what she does or doesn't do with her body and her child. If you really want to stop abortions, how about we pass some laws about comprehensive sex education, so kids know what they're getting into? How about we make healthcare affordable enough (thanks, Obama, for already trying that, sorry the American public didn't see it) that those same kids have somewhere to turn that isn't the free fucking clinic?
Then, how about we do something about these skanks that just use abortion as a contraceptive? Those are the ones you should be concerned with. Not the rape victims, or the parents that don't believe in bringing a child into the world that will lead a short, painful life, or the ones that would die during childbirth because of something we could detect early enough to avoid it. Leave those women the fuck alone. The skanks? How about you force them to live with their own mistakes? How about you show them how to be adults, rather than pampered little cum dumpsters? There's a god damned law for you.
Legalize pot. But, do it in such a way that the glamor goes away. I smoke pot. Hell, a lot of people smoke pot. Occasionally. Or often. Or daily. Look, it isn't any worse for you than half the things we're allowed to do already. Besides, if you legalize it, and pass the requisite laws governing the sale and taxation of it, all those douchebags with the the backwards visors and sandals and Bob Marley t-shirts and acoustic guitars will go back into their bedrooms and shut the fuck up. That's all I want. That, and to not be denied a job or thrown in jail because I have a joint's worth of weed in my pocket or my urine. I don't drive drunk, I won't drive high. People like me, with that mentality (read: almost all of us) will be quite alright with legal weed.
Let's stop with mandatory minimums for horeshit crimes. Really, guys, it's getting old. Prisons are crowded, clearly that system isn't working. Let's do something new. Gladiator battles, maybe. Public executions. Something old might work. Or, maybe, take violent criminals and put them in a capsule and launch them into the fucking sun. There's an idea. Rapist? Boom, Sun Cannon. Murderer? Boom, Sun Cannon. Beat your wife and kids? Did they deserve it? Eh, Sun Cannon. At the very least, send them off to Africa where they can die a slow, agonizing AIDS death or be eaten by something horrifying.
Look, altogether, I'm just tired of politics. I'm tired of hearing about it. I don't want to know your opinions. If I did, I'd watch the major news network (or, for some of you, the minor extremist publications and radio stations) that fed it to you. If you're that passionate, read up on your personal issues and get involved in a way that makes a difference. Talk candidly and honestly and, most important, calmly with people that share your views and those that disagree. Form a complete idea before you go spitting nonsense into the Internet. That's my job.
People won't all agree with you. I'm a fairly middle-minded kind of guy, overall. Modest on some things, extreme on others (see the Sun Cannon). Conservative here, liberal there. But if you speak with confidence, with the ability to articulate rather than ramble and scowl and call names and be just a huge twat, you might at the very least get some respect for your opinions.
Until you can do that, please shut the fuck up.
If you'd like to engage me in a conversation, feel free to do so here. If you do so elsewhere, I will come to your house and personally punch you in kidney.
Yours,
-S.R.
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