Originally Posted: 8/8/08
Thank God for you guys, you know? Without you, I'd be forced to enslave most of humanity and place them in forced labor camps with no hope of survival just to get my mind off the silly little things on which it dwells. Not because I've got an overabundance of issues, but because my brain is like this wandering lunatic that never really comprehends things the way people who exist in the real world do. You see a river, I see an army of sex-crazed, naked Swedish men chasing a single black mother. You see a rainbow, I see cotton candy that has somehow been catapulted across the sky, leaving small bits of itself for my viewing pleasure.
See? Wierd shit, man, wierd shit.
I'm not really sure what I want to talk about today. I thought maybe I'd discuss how terribly accurate the comparison of John McCain to Beaver Cleaver is, or why I sincerely hope the Republicans lose this one. But I doubt I will. I'm just not that interested in the election. Americans are largely ignorant, silly little people and they'll elect other ignorant, silly little people. If you want to see continuous examples of why, watch the Daily Show.
Then I thought I might talk about the family goings on, but that whole Family Table thing died out pretty fast. We all talk to one another in our own ways, and I think coming together like that is great, but its an unrealistic idea to have it become a continuous thing. We're just too damn busy. Plus, nothing noteworthy has really happened as far as I know. Took a shit last night. Felt good. Guess you're all updated now.
So, what then? I head back to school soon. End of next week I guess. When you look back the summer seems to fade so fast, but I can still recall acutely the times I wished I could leave here, grab my woman (I think she probably hates when I say that) and just ride away and never look back. It happens. This place doesn't really feel like home anymore. Too much strife, too much pollution. It's tainted here.
And by here, I don't mean specifically 36 Wallkill Avenue. I mean the whole concept of place I've grown up with. All of it seems so meager now,so paltry in comparison to the things I long for. Even the things I remember about this place have begun to stale with time, like milk left to sour in the sun. I'm afraid sometimes that if I don't leave, those precious good memories that I have will become so tarnished that I won't have any love left for this part of the world.
I think what it is, what its always been, is a longing for freedom. For clean, salty air in my lungs. For love and laughter without the price we pay so dearly for it here. I love my family, but with most of those people the relationships have become so fractured, and they were never really strong enough to hold together anyway. So, I've done what I always do. I save those that still remain, reenforce them, and ride on. The same could be said about friends. I've got so few here, because I just let them go, but the good ones, the ones I never stopped loving, I hold tight to, and they don't even know it, because I'm stealthy. Man there are a lot of commas in that sentence.
Ponder me, pondering you.
A climax,
Wondrous, heady epiphanies
Stepping from the surf
Onto glass beaches,
Waltzing with the sun under a halo of stars
Ponder me, pondering you.
We are in love.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night
S.R.
No comments:
Post a Comment